I’d never spared a thought to my own sexuality before I met you. I’d selected “Woman Seeking Man” in my dating site profile because it had never occurred to me to do otherwise. But in our dance to get to know each other before we started dating, it seemed extremely important to me to understand what it meant for me to be drawn to a transgender man.
Did it mean I was bisexual? This didn’t feel right at all since I’d never felt this way for a woman and, while you may have been born into the world as biologically female, there was no doubt in my mind of your inherent maleness. Trying to see you as anything other than male was an exercise in giving myself a headache—like staring at a clear blue sky and trying to see it as lime green.
Did it mean I was pansexual? Many romantic partners of trans folks did identify this way. However, if I’d been attracted to exactly one transgender person during the course of my life did that mean I’d suddenly blown past all limitations around gender and attraction?
Ultimately it was in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s acceptance speech at the 2016 Tony Awards that provided me and the world with the right words. In the wake of the tragic mass shooting at a gay night club in Orlando, he declared “And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love, cannot be killed or swept aside…”
Love is love. For me at least, it really isn’t any more defined or complicated than that.